And the prize goes to!
by Flag
Summary: Ch 7 up! LoL! R&R! U r all kewl n i luv u guis! Paula's killin mez lolz! Ur ll kewl n ma bijs! NEW SUMMERYZ LOLZ! This is a trashfic.
1. Meeting RaRa

A/N: So, I'll give a cookie to whoever thinks of three things I'm making fun of in this chapter. Oh, what's this? My computers on typeover? Fixed you, you SOB. Oh, I meant, What's this? I have other fics to update? STFU I'll do it when I feel like it so STFU.. wait.. I already said that. Anyways, back on topic: These are the things I _love_ in fic's. REVIEW! Oh and yet another thing! I don't own the outsiders... And whoever successfully interprits what my summary says wins a cookie!

Ponyboy walked into the house screaming. He was **mad**. He quickly stopped when he realized there was no one there to hear him moan and complain as he always does. He sat on the couch for about a minute before Darry drove in since Darry always appears when he is needed. Ponyboy started screaming again since he is such an attention whore.

Darry came running in. "Ponyboy, what's wrong?"

Ponyboy stopped screaming. "The Soc's…"

"The Soc's? Oh, come here baby," Darry said, because Darry is _constantly_ calling Ponyboy baby during the book.

Ponyboy scooted to the other end of the couch to be as far away as possible from Darry.

"What's wrong baby?" Darry said, sitting down next to Ponyboy, because it really makes a person feel good when you sit right next to a person who clearly wants to be left alone. Darry didn't care that he had no idea what was wrong with Ponyboy, he didn't care if Ponyboy was a figment of his imagination; all Darry cared about was finding out what was wrong with Ponyboy so that he could read his newspaper, which he _constantly_ does in the book.

Ponyboy whispered something so quietly that Darry had to lean in to hear what he had said.

"What?" Darry asked.

"The Soc's… were… talking," Ponyboy shouted, because he's really that moody. He's whispering one second and shouting the next.

"Oh Ponyboy," Darry said, hugging Ponyboy, since the Soc's talking and Ponyboy seeing them do it is the _worst _thing in the whole world.

And then, Ponyboy knew that everything would be alright.


	2. Calisto

A/N: Whoa people read this! Wtf? WHEEE! What should I write about next? YOU TELL ME! Yeah, not an option, I'm telling you to tell me, and if you don't then you don't get a cookie. gives everyone who reviewed a cookie What am I making fun of this time? Review!

"Oh my gosh, baby, they were talking?"

"Yeah," said a hyperventilating Ponyboy.

"Breathe, baby," said Soda, giving Ponyboy a backrub.

"Isn't that the problem?" said Johnny.

"Oh, yeah," said Ponyboy, walking calmly over to the couch and sat down. He turned on the TV.

"So," said Johnny, "How's life going with you guys? My parents beat me up last night. Eh? You know that? Yeah, I know you know that, you could probably hear them screaming at me. They scream at me all the time you know, and I know you know, and I don't really care if you know because this is all filler and I like run on sentences and BLAHBLAHBLAH I'M A NUTORIOUSLY TALKITIVE PERSON!"

"Oh Johnny, don't worry, you can sleep here! It'll be like a massive party, and no doubt it will be a tornado because it's awesome when the thunder makes the power go out because then we can make hot steamy love and no one will know because they will think we are hiding from the thunder!" said an equally talkative Ponyboy.

"Ponyboy, you're stupid. You know that we only have lightening storms around here, and the power only goes out when the lightning strikes. You're being ridiculous, you can't hide from thunder!" said Soda in his over-articulate voice because he's a complete brainy nerd, completely ignoring the fact that his brother just admitted to being gay with Johnny.

And then, Dally ran into the house, jumped onto the couch, spontaneously combusted, and died.


	3. Chapter 23

A/N: Yay! I got called an Internet Troll, and was told my story sucks. Yus! Anyways, this isn't as funny as the other chapters. I tried to make it funny, but it ended up stupid... well, stupider than normal. I'm not in a humour mood, but I totally was in the mood to update this, so here you go!  
I DUN OWN THE OUTSIDERS!

Twobit walked in to the house to see Dallie on fire.

"Why are you on fire, Dallas?" he asked, but he was too late. Dallie was already dead. Twobit started hitting the flames, which had now engulfed the couch. "MY SMOKES ARE IN THERE!" He screamed. "GET THEM GET THEM GET THEM!"

"Uh, Two-Bit, why are your smokes in the couch?" Darry asked.

"Because I stuck them there for safe keeping, because someone-" he shot Darry a very nasty look "Has been stealing them at school."

"Twobit, that was totally inappropriate behavior. I don't go to school, for starters, and I don't smoke, so don't look at me like that. If you do that again, I'm afraid I'll have to call Child Services and have you taken away from me."

"Hey, Twobit, look! Mickey's coming on!" someone shouted.

"Alright!" said Twobit, sitting on Dallies ashes to watch the show, because the couch suddenly was back to normal. He was completely absorbed in the show while it was on, but then he got bored.

"Hey Pony boy want to go to a movie?" he asked.

"DUHH!" said Pony boy, jumping up and running out of the house.

"Hmm.. Maybe we should ask Dallas!" Shouted Twobit, running out of the house after Ponyboy.

"Good idea! Let's go find him!" said SodaPop, who had suddenly appeared out of the fireplace, covered in soot.

They made their way to the movies, completely forgetting their plan to get Dallie, and completely forgetting about Johnnie who was probably being attacked in some dark alleyway somewhere. It was a short movie, and by the time it was over they remembered it was supposed to be storming.

"Oh no, we'd better get home!" said Twobit, and everyone knew 'home' was the Curtis' house, even to him simply because he always sleeps there because his mother doesn't exist, and his sister doesn't either.

When they got home, Johnnie was sitting on the couch, talking to Dallie.

"Hey guys! Look who it is! Look! Look! It's Dallas you guys! It's Dallas! Isn't this amazing? How did that happen? Dallas is here!" Johnnie said.

"Uh, yeah…" said Ponyboy. "He's always here."

"Yeah Johnnie, are you on drugs?" Twobit asked, and Johnny shifted his eyes nervously. "He's always here. He never hangs out with anyone other than us, and the odd time Tim Shepard."

"Uh, guys. He just died, but now he's here!" Johnnie said.

"Well, it doesn't matter then, if he's here." Ponyboy said.

"Yeah, Jonnie lay off the drugs." Twobit said, and Johnnie burst out in tears. At that, everyone turned around and watched Mickey, which was on again, even though it was a 20 minute movie so it was about 30 minutes since the last episode was on.


	4. O no u don't!

A/N: AHHH I lost my piece of paper that has all the things I want to make fun of on it! I had about 70 things, and I lost it, along with all my other stories, idea's, notes, charts etc.! Ah! HELP ME! And since I feel like it, I'll reply to the reviews because I'm not writing this chap. right now, but waiting for my mommy to come get me.  
_**not seh**:_ Yes, I know about the names, obviously. They're spelt correctly during the first two chapters, then they're suddenly spelt crappy. Of course I know they're spelt wrong. But, Yay! A flame!

**_stardust104_**Thank you, thank you. I'm going to try to update more often now that I'm out of school!

**_SuperDope_**: Yup, used your name idea. Not done with it either. I'm pretty sure I used another idea I read from you too, the whole the-gang-gets-taken-away-from-Darry thing, which I'm also not done with. I'm pretty sure I stole that from you Thanks for reviewing!

**_Misfitvampire_**: Heh, your U TRIPPIN? fic is just too funny. Thanks for reviewing! And interestingly enough, I live in Ontario, Canada too.  
Aaand, I think I'll start replying to reviews now, that was rather time consuming.  
Alright! I'm back, not that you ever knew I was gone, so on with the story!  
Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders, obviously.

"Guys," Johnny said while they were watching T.V, "Why is Mickey Mouse always on TV?"

"Because I like it, Johnnie," Two-Bit said.

"Two-Bit, are you stupid? Stop saying my name with an 'ie', it's a 'y'. I can tell how you spell it by how you pronounce it."

"Hey Two-Bit, you don't like Mickey Mouse," Ponyboy said.

"Yes, I do. "

"Er, you never did before."

"Riiight," said Two-Bit. "The whole obsessed over Mickey Mouse thing came from Emilio Estevez, didn't it?"

"Ewhoiewho?" asked Soda, who had once again appeared out of the fireplace, covered in soot.

"Nothing, Two-Bit's just being weird," Ponyboy said. "Hey, where'd Dally go?"

"Ponieboi, you need to say it with an 'ie'. Dall'ie', you see. It'll really pi--"

Just then, Stars Are Blind by Paris Hilton came on the radio of a car that was passing the house with it's radio blaring.

Johnny ignored it. "Two-Bit, stop saying everyone's name wrong even though it sounds the exact same!"

Two-Bit, however, had other things on his mind.

"DO YOU KNOW WHO SINGS THAT SONG!" he shouted as he ran for the door.

"Someone who isn't even born yet?" Soda guessed, but Two-Bit wasn't listening. He was already opening the door to run outside. Once he opened the door, however, he stopped dead in his tracks, literally, he fell over dead with shock.

"Oh, there goes Two-Bit again," said Ponyboy, as if it happened every day. The cause of Two-Bit's shocked was quickly revealed, however, when a sugary voice spoke from the door.

"Excuse me," the voice said.

DUHDUHDUH… TUNE IN NEXT TIME! Will Two-Bit come back to life? Who's at the door? Where's Dally and Darry? Why does Soda keep coming out of the fireplace?

Er, yeah. Sorry, I forget what I was originally going to make fun of, so I just kind of made this up on the spot because I lost my rough work.


	5. Lyf of a teen

A/N: Yeah, this chapter is odd. I dunno if I like it or not. And I want to make another humour fic, but I'm running out of idea's. If anyone wants to make a fic with me, (not likely, haha), email me at Totally don't know if I'm allowed to say that here or not, but I'm doing it anyways.  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything here. Come to think of it, there isn't a whole lot that S.E. Hinton owns either, but anything you recognize is hers, or J.K. Rowlings.

"Do you know some people called the Curtis's? I was told they live here, but with people in these parts, you never knew if they're telling the truth! Someone could be lying to me and trying to lure me into their home and rape me!"

"That's us!" said Soda, not realizing what he had just said made him appear to be a mad rapist. He walked to the door, took her hand, and lead her to the couch, over Two-Bits dead body. She stubbed her foot on his head as she went by, and went sprawling on to the carpet.

"Oh. Well, you see, I'm your cousin. I've been sent to live with you even though you have hardly enough money to support yourselves, you see. I was told by the Social worker that would be okay," she said, completely dignified, as if she hadn't just fallen over a dead body onto the living room carpet of someone she had never met before.

"Er…" said Ponyboy, about to make 3424 points on why that wasn't possible, but he was interrupted by Soda.

"OF COURSE YOU CAN STAY HERE! You can have Ponyboy's side of the bed, I couldn't care less if he continues to have the nightmares he has every single night!"

"Are you stupid Soda? I haven't had a nightmare in a few weeks." said Ponyboy. "We don't have any cousins; both our parents were only children."

"Oh…" said the girl, looking crestfallen. "Well… You see… Science proved that you're parents had the same sister…"

"Both our parents had the same sister?" asked Ponyboy. "That doesn't make sense, unless our parents were some kind of disgusting freaks, which they weren't."

"Ponyboy, shut up!" said Soda, and he pushed Ponyboy to the side because Soda's a rough and tough guy when it comes to Ponyboy! "Just… Look at her!" Soda stood, mesmerized, staring at the girl who was sitting on the couch.

She had a slightly over-black eye and a cut along her cheek. She had long blonde hair and blue eyes, and her skin was a dark tan, as though she had forgot to get out of the sun when she started to burn, and the burn was pealing into a tan.

"WHOA WHO'S THE BABE?" said Darry, who had just appeared out of thin air with a loud popping noise, since Darry constantly apparates and disapperates, and is very interested in girls and is rude and noisy in the book.

"I am Paula Barer," she said. "I just arrived from Whaheckami."

"Where is Whaheckami? And there's no way you could be our cousin-" Ponyboy asked.

"I don't know where it is," she replied, and rubbed her eyes. "Hey, can I use your washroom?" she said, immediately after she rubbed her eye. She kept her hand on her face.

"Yeah, down the hall and to the right," said Soda. "Want me to show you-?"

Paula Barer ignored Soda, ran outside and got her bag which was shaped like a coffin, strangely enough. She then ran to the bathroom. She came out 10 minutes later.

"Uh, Paula, what happened to your eye?"

"Oh, I was uptown, and some Soc's attacked me. We had a violent fight, and-"

"No, what I meant was before your black eye was on your left eye. Now it's on the right. And if you just got here from Whaheckami, how do you know about Soc's?"

"It was right outside your door. Go see," she said, completely ignoring what they said about the eyes. They went to the door, and surely enough, 13 unconscious Soc's were laying outside the door.

"Why are they outside our door if you fought them uptown?" asked Ponyboy. "Why are you lying so much? It's so obvious-"

"And you know, you guy's, since you've given me permission to stay… It's okay if you feel physically or sexually attracted to me as I know you do because I'm so hot, because I'm not really your cousin! I was just kidding! Aren't I funny?" Paula said. Then, in a completely serious tone she added, "I can still stay here, right?"

"Of course! You can sleep wherever you want, wake up whenever you want, eat whatever you want, and basically do whatever you want!" Darry said. "But now, I must go." With that, he disappeared with another pop.

"Can you get rid of that body?" asked Paula, "it's smelling, I think it's starting to decompose."

"Er, it's not decomposing, he always smells like that," Soda said, but got up to drag Two-Bit out anyways.

"Well, now maybe we can get to know each other!" Paula said, and pulled Ponyboy down onto the couch beside her. She then sat on him, and didn't realize that she was of a larger structure and was suffocating him. "Silly boy! You want to play suffocation like that?" she said, as he started to croak out "can't… breath!" "We can play it my way!" With that, she got up, and opened her coffin shaped bag to reveal something so sinister, that once you read the next chapter you will never be the same again!


	6. Chapter 98

A/N: Oh dear. I got in a bit of a writing frenzy last night and wrote about 70 chapters of various fics. Oh dear… Here's one! I LOVE YOU GUYS!

Disclaimer: I'm too cool to claim they aren't mind. They aren't mine. Wait, what did I just say… I make no sense!

As Paula was searching around in her coffin shaped bag, a horrified Ponyboy made a mad dash for the door so he could be away from the slightly deranged girl. Unfortunately for him, he hit the Two-Bit's head with his foot and went flying out the door onto the porch. Truth be told, he didn't go 'flying', but he more-so fell.

Groaning, he sat up. "Wasn't Soda moving you?" he asked the dead body. To his horror, Two-Bit wasn't ready to be dead. Two-Bit sat up and groaned, looking deathly white. Ponyboy got up and started RUNNING again. (A/N: Aren't I cool, I can capitalize words for no reason and put Authors Notes in the middle of a story!) Then, to his greater horror, Paula Barer came to the door with her hand stuck in her bag. Wtf? (I can use chatspeak in my fics too!) Anyways, Ponyboy was still on the porch, even though he had been running for a few minutes, off of the porch.

"Ponyboy!" she called out. "My dear little hand is stuck in the-" unfortunately for her, the evil door which had been staying open for some unknown reason since her arrival, slammed in her face, breaking her nose and sending her falling backwards onto the now back-to-life Two-Bit.

Just then, Darry materialized out of thin air with a pop, smelling slightly of old-drink since Darry is a notorious spanking drunk.

"Oh, let me help you baby!" he said as he picked her up and set her to her feet.

"Oh, hi Darry. I was just about to go looking for Johnny," she said, blood spouting out of both nostrils. She ignored it because she's tough.

Ponyboy, who had came back since Darry was now around to protect him, asked, "How do you know who Johnny is? He hasn't been here since you got here. And you weren't looking for him either, you were going to suffocate m-"

"Oh shut up blabber mouth!" she said, putting a finger to his lips. "Of course I know Johnny. I am pregnant with his child after all!"

As if on cue, Johnny walked in right before she said "I am pregnant." In fact, it may well have been on cue, with the cue being Two-Bit jumping up and waving a sign around that said "Johnny WALK IN NOW!" Of course, he then remembered that hw was supposed to be dead, so he dropped… Dead.

"Oh Paula," said Johnny. "I've been admiring you for so long since I love all girls, now maybe we'll be able to have the 452285926 children I've always dreamed of! And we can live in a mansion, and have children, and-"

"Guys!" said Dally as he ran in the door. He ran around the living room in a circle once while saying "You need to help Tim Shepard! He's on the street!" He ran in one more circle, then ran out the door, having never stopped running, completely ignoring Paula because he isn't in to hot girls at all, and this is the never ending sentence because we all love run on sentences.

A/N: That's all for now, folks! Man, my hands smell like cheese and vomit.


	7. AN Kidding!

A/N: I have yet to find my list of things to make fun of, and I also lost my book of chapters that I wrote two nights ago, so I'm winging this more than ever.

They didn't need to go onto the street to see what Timothy Shepard was up to, because at that moment he came barging into the house, through the door that had magically reopened.

"WHO WANTS TO DONATE MONEY TO MY CHARITY FOR UNDERNOURISHED CHILDREN IN THE WORLD?" he asked, shaking a jar that seemed to be full of money.

"Oh, I'll give you ALL my money," said Soda, who had just appeared out of the fireplace. He reached into his ear and pulled out a year's worth of paychecks and a pink handkerchief. "Here you go! We have so much money to spare we can give all we want away, and can support anyone we want!"

"Thank you, my dear Sodapop, the Lord will have mercy on you're unlawful ways," said Tim. "Even though the only time you've broken the law is for disturbing the public with Keith Matthews."

"Oh, by the way Tim, Two-Bit died, so you can steal all the money from him, because we're sure he would want you to have it."

"Hem hem," said a certain Paula Barer.

"Oh, you're simply the most gorgeous girl I've ever met. I want to marry you!" said Tim.

"No, you're marrying me," said Dally, who had just came running back into the house and was now running around the living room, flapping his arms like a chicken. "Because we're totally gay together!"

"Oh yeah… I forgot… I love you Dally." They then went on to make out right in the middle of the group, with Dally still flapping his arms. Everyone ignored them.

"So… Paula…" Soda started to say, but he was interrupted by the short chapter's knock on the door.

"Guys… who knocks on the door?"

DUNDUNDUN


	8. Titles are fun Lets abuse them!

A/N: Omfg! I can spell words wrong, look at me! Actually, I tried to spell poorly but I couldn't manage, I always typed them right anyways. And I tried to have horrible grammar, but that's as bad as I can get. And… I seem to be on a complete writing binge. I can't stop. Last night I didn't stop until 12:30, and I was almost crying from exhaustion when I finally went to bed. Whee!  
Disclaimer: They belong to JK Rowling and SE Hinton. I think I have a thing for authors with abbreviated names.

Darry started walking over to the door, but the door magically opened, and revealed a woman standing there, with 17 children standing around her. As the woman made to step into the house, the door slammed in her face and broke her nose too!

"Excuse me, I'm from Children Services. I hear these children have been abused, and I need to investigate." Looking at Two-Bit's dead body at the door, Paula and her broke nose, black eyes and various cuts, Soda covered in Soot from appearing from the fire place too many times, it was easy to see what she was talking about.

"Uh," said the narrarator. "That sentence doesn't make sense."

"Shut up!" said Paula, "I love that name!"

"But I can see everything here is fine. Oh, hi Paula!" said the Service worker.

"Hi mom!" she said back.

"Dear, dinner will be at eight, make sure your home!"

"Mom, these lovely people have said I can live with them for free and do whatever I want! So, I won't be coming home! Isn't that amazing?"

"Lovely dear," said the worker and left.

"Wow, now I think we should all go to bed!" said Paula in an unusually friendly life.

"Don't you mean voice?" said The Narrarator.

"Yes, but I don't bother to proof read my stories so it doesn't matter what I mean!" said Paula. "I'm so famous, all the fanficers know my name, so they can assume what I mean too! NOW GO TO BED!"

"Uh, Paula, it's the middle of the afternoon. Why would we go to bed now?" asked Ponyboy.

Paula narrowed her eyes menacingly at him. "Because it's night time." With that, she pointed her hand at the stars and the lights all went out. Everyone was enveloped with a feeling of dread and felt as if they'd never be happy again, the kind of feeling you get when listening to spooky music in the dark.

Paula gasped. "Dementors!" she said. "WHATEVER YOU DO, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT! I'll fend them off! If I can beat up 13 Socs I can do ANYTHING!"

"Paula, shut up, you turned off the lights," said Ponyboy, turning the lights back on. "And turn off the scary music, it's freaking everyone out."

Ponyboy seemed to be the only one that cared that she was lying, however. Everyone else was amazed by how Paula had just saved their life from dementoids. When they finished praising Paula and showering her with gifts that they always had around, Darry turned to Ponyboy.

"You. Kid. Bed. Now. Don't you EVER disagree with Paula, she's the BEST PERSON IN THE WORLD!"

"But, Darry, she's a liar and-" started Ponyboy, but he was inturupeted again.

"BED!"

With that, Ponyboy went to bed, wondering what on earth was happening to the world. Well, he would have went to bed if he had known where he would be sleeping, so he went to sleep on the couch on their porch instead, since everyone has couches on their porches.


	9. Chapter 923590

A/N: I'm rather fond of this chapter. Review or I won't update.. Le sigh...  
Disclaimer: ThEy ArEnT mInE!

"I'm solid as a rock on a shEeEEElllF!" The most horrid noise Ponyboy had ever heard filled his ears. What on earth was dying? Surely, someone should put the poor animal out of it's misery…

"And I LooOooOve making BreaAAakKKFfaASt!"

Ponyboy realized that the noise was in fact, not a cat that was being beaten to death with a rake, but a female singing. Coming from the kitchen… Wait, if he was on the porch, how could he hear that so loudly? Rolling over, he realized he wasn't on the couch on the porch. Opening his eyes, he realized he was in his Mothers bed. What the hell? No one slept in his parents bed! Then he saw it…. A hot pink thong, that said in bright red letters "Property of Paula Barer! Hottie of the century!" Ponyboy promptly started screaming and rolled out of bed, hitting his head on the floor.

"Baby!" said Darry, running into the room. "Baby, honey, did you have another nightmare, sweetie honey baby pie cakes?"

"N.. N… N.." stuttered Ponyboy, completely appalled at what had just happened to him, and wondering how he had gotten from the couch on the porch to the bed in his parents old room.

"Oh, come here sweetness," said Darry, pulling Ponyboy into his arms, despite Ponyboys protests and shouts to let him go. "It won't happen any more, I promise. Paula will make sure of that sweetie. You can sleep in her bed from now on, ok sugar? She's making breakfast now baby, come on out and eat some, bunny."

Ponyboy was completely horrified at the thought of eating anything that Paula had made while she had been screeching earlier. In fact, he was horrified of the thought of Paula, period. Anything she had anything to do with, he wanted to run screaming from. But Darry didn't notice his reluctance, and dragged him by the heart into the kitchen.

"Uh, how do you drag someone by the heart?" asked the Narrarator.

"Ponyboy! I thought you would like it better in my bed with me than out on the porch, it's so dangerous around! I went out to see you and there was Bob, about to rape you! So I fought him off, bit off his testicles and brought you to bed with me," said Paula upon seeing Ponyboy enter the kitchen.

Ponyboy was almost at a loss for words, but since he was so talkative, he asked "But how did you get me inside without me noticing?"

"Uh, why are you all quiet and normal during parts of the fic, but during the other parts your unnaturally talkative?" asked the Narrarator, who was, unfortunately, abusing comma's, once again, and was, again, ignored.

"I picked you up, silly, and walked with you in my arms just as if you were a little glass doll!"

Just then, Soda walked into the room, fully clad in his work wear and shoes.

"Paula, lovely dearest, can you sing again?"

Then, so fast Ponyboy didn't know how it happened, the room was filled with a horrid shrieking noise again. He clamped his hand over his ears and attempted to run out of the room, only to be stopped by Darry, who stuck out his hand and clotheslined Ponyboy.

"Sweetie, eat breakfast first baby," he said, and forced Ponyboy into a chair.

Ponyboy then promptly barfed all over the table when Paula shoved his 'breakfast' onto the table in front of him.


	10. BLahBAlah

_SuperDope- _Heh, the 'bunny' drove me crazy. Sorry, but I can't see Darry calling Ponyboy 'baby' during normal circumstances, let alone 'bunny'.  
_stardust104- _Glad you enjoyed it!  
_hannie-banannie- _Heh, I've been expecting people to say something like that too. I'm not trying to make it _that_ obvious who I'm making fun of…But I suppose someone would know if it was them xD  
_DRAMAsaurus.Rex- _Heh, didn't even realize I had him say 'pie cakes', but now I see I did… Glad you found it funny.  
_mrs.pepsi-cola__- _Glad you found it funny… I couldn't think of anything particularly impressive to put in her version of 'what happened on the porch', so I just put in whatever I felt like… Glad it turned out good though.  
A/N: Ehh, I left it in a bad spot. Had a hard time thinking of how to start this.  
Disclaimer: I dun own de outsiders Lolzl!

* * *

"What's the matter sugar baby? Don't you like Paula's breakfast sweetie?" asked Darry, upon which, Ponyboy broke out in tears.

"She.. She… She…" he stuttered since lost the ability to talk properly after his parents died.

"Honey, what's the matter bunny?" asked Darry.

Ponyboy was about to answer, but just then Two-Bit walked in. Not being able to tell the difference between the vomit and the breakfast, he quickly began eating both without complaint.

"Uh, Two-Bit, aren't you... You know… dead?" asked Ponyboy.

"Yeah, but I came back because there's something I didn't do in life yet," said Two-Bit, continuing to eat.

Everyone seemed to accept that reason, including Ponyboy because he's stupid and doesn't realize that that happens in almost every fic, makes no sense, is impossible, and makes for really bad endings.

After a minute, Paula crouched down next to Ponyboy. "You know how I said the baby was Johnny's? Well, now it's yours."

Ponyboy was completely horrified but confused at how that could happen. He was gay with Johnny and Steve, so the baby couldn't be his OR Johnny's! She was crazy! He was about to say that when he saw she now had two black eyes and black powder smeared all over her face.

"Paula, what happened to your face?" he asked. She looked like a crazy raccoon.

She quickly ran out of the room into the bathroom, only to emerge five minutes later with her face miraculously restored, with only one black eye. "Oops, my eyeliner ran," she told him, bending over in front of him to pick up her coffin shaped bag which had made it's way into the kitchen.

Ponyboy screamed and fell backwards off his chair, and Darry came running, even though he was just at the other side of the kitchen and could see exactly what had happened.

"Ponyboy baby sweetie honey, did baby have another sweetie nightmare?" he asked.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" shouted Ponyboy.

"What then?" To answer that, Ponyboy could only point to Paula's rear end.

"Paula…" said Darry, staring at her now exposed ass. "Your thong... is so… beautiful, as is the hairy wart… on your... right ass cheek!" By the time Darry had finished saying that, everyone had gathered around and was staring at her butt, which she completely ignored. When she straightened up, she appeared completely shocked to find everyone standing around her.

"What are you silly dilly's up to?" she asked.

"Staring... at you…" came the reply from everyone at the exact same time, except from Ponyboy who screamed again.

"DO ALL YOUR THONGS SAY 'PROPERTY OF PAULA BARER'?" he asked.

"No silly, only one! I wore it yesterday!"

Ponyboy was completely disgusted. "Then... why… does this one… say it too?"

Paula seemed completely nonplussed. "Silly, you wear the same underwear for 4 days before you change it." When she said that, everyone gave Ponyboy a very strange look. Ponyboy chose to ignore that little bit of information and pledged to himself to continue to change his daily.

"Ponyboy, honey baby," said Darry. "It's time to go to school since you always go to school, even during summer baby cakes."

"I'll help you," said Paula, upon which, Ponyboy screamed and ran out of the room.

"What's wrong with the little muffin?" asked Darry, staring at the door Ponyboy had just slammed behind him.


	11. Nottin 2 do w chap!

A/N: Hey, I got a MySpace. Link's in my profile since it does stupid stuff when you put it here... If you have myspace, add me as a friend!  
Aaand, I'm glad you guys liked the last chapter  
Aaand, I don't own the Outsiders.

"I think he's a little upset… I'll go talk to him," said Paula and marched off to Ponyboy's room, **not** Ponyboy and Soda's room, because they clearly DO NOT share a room or anything and anyone who says they do IS ON DRUGS. Without knocking, she opened to door to find him laying on the bed, reading a book.

"What are you reading, Muffin?" she asked. Ponyboy looked up and screamed again, dropping the book and running out of the room. Paula picked it up. "Attack of the Paul Barers," she read out loud. "Hehehehe! They named a book after my male version!" Then, she dropped the book and took chase after Ponyboy, who had ran into the bathroom and locked the door.

"Ponyboy sweetie!" she said from outside the door, only to hear a scream.

"How to Apply Fake Black Eyes? Paula, what the hell is this?" asked Ponyboy through the door.

"Silly, it's a book on how to apply fake blac… DON'T READ IT PONYBOY!" she shouted and tried to open to the door only to find it locked.

"Hahaha, Paula you looser, your black eyes are fake! Hahaha, that's why you had black makeup all over your face this morning you stupid bitch!" said Ponyboy since Ponyboy is ONE RUDE CHILD!

"DON'T YOU EVER TALK TO PAULA LIKE THAT AGAIN PONYBOY!" shouted Darry who had came to Paula's side. "GET OUT HERE!" When the door didn't open that exact second, Darry grabbed the bottom of the door and lifted it off it's hinges, and threw it through the window on the other **_side of the house. _**

**_"FUCK YOU DARRY!" shouted_** Ponyboy because he's constantly mouthing off to Darry and swearing. It's like he's a greaser or something! Ponyboy then jumped into the shower fully clothed, turned on the water and started singing something that sounded strangely like "God Save The Queen".

"Ponyboy, you turn me on just so much…!" said Darry, stripping to his boxers and jumping into the shower. "Let's have hot incestrious sex in front of everyone in the gang! Maybe that will turn them on too and we can all have a massive orgie!"

Just then, Johnny walked into the bathroom. "What the hell fuck damn shit mother fucker is going the mother fucking shit on here you fucking morons? I talk so damn fucking much I think I'll just keep damn fucking swearing you little shits!"

"Oh Johnny, I just admire your swearing so much! You sure can cuss good!" said Paula, who was for some strange reason, humping his leg like a dog. "I want to have your baby, Johnny… Can we sleep together?" she asked, even though she was ALREADY SUPPOSIDLY PREGNANT, and even though Johnny DOESN'T TALK TO GIRLS.

Then, there was a knock on the door, which Soda answered.

"Social services, I'm afraid it's time for our monthly visit," said the lady.

"Uh, you were here earlier today, AND I'M RANDOMLY USING FONTS THAT DON'T ENHANCE THE STORY AT ALL" said Soda.

"TOO FUCKING BAD CHILD GET OUT OF THE WAY WE'RE TAKING ALL YOU CHILDREN INTO CUSTODY!"

A/N: Muahahaha. Sorry, it's not my usual humor but, what can you do when you live in a shoe… Get some loot and move to a boot… Oh, wait! That's not what I was talking about, I was talking about how this isn't a really great chapter. Ah well.


	12. WHAT HAPPENED?

A/N: Eh, this should probably still be ok for Teen.

Ponyboy woke up and immediately started screaming because he knew Paula would be beside him and if he screamed he might see his brothers or someone with a little sense. He then stopped screaming when he remembered that his brothers were acting really strange too, as well as the rest of the gang. He slipped out of bed only to realize he wasn't in his bed, or any bed in his house as a matter of fact. He was on the couch. Wait, not his couch though, don't get the wrong idea! Just a couch. A random couch that he didn't know where he was.

Then, an idea donned on Ponyboy! He had been kidnapped by the Soc's because there is simply no other explanation to what happens after the end of the book. So, he started screaming again.

"SOC'S LET GO OF ME!" even though they weren't holding on to him.

"Child, let us be calm," said a priest who was there for no apparent reason.

"Ah, father! Save me!" said Ponyboy.

"From what? You are being baptized in the name of the Lord."

"I'm whatting?"

"Being saved from your sins. You killed your entire family yesterday, including a social worker, friends, and your Guardian Angel, Paula Barer, for whom you will be a Paul Barer."

"WHAT? HOWD I GET HERE?" screamed Ponyboy.

"I carried you on my back. When my back got tired, I shaved it and made a stretcher out of the hair."

"WHERE AM I?" shouted Ponyboy, only to see a person with a black eye looking in a window at him. "AHHHHHHH!" Ponyboy screamed and grabbed the priest and threw him out the window. "AHHHHH WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!" he then went, retrieved the priest, brought him into the middle of the room and threw him out the window again. "What the hell?" asked Ponyboy when he noticed that the already broken window had mended and broken when he threw the priest out for the second time. Then, as he watched it mended again!

"OWW!" screamed Ponyboy, and he looked down and realized he wasn't wearing any pants! What had happened to his pants? Looking up, he noticed they were the ceiling decoration! "OWWWWWW!" said Ponyboy, wondering why the heck his 'boy parts' were hurting so much. He looked down and saw teeth were eating them! "AHH!" said Ponyboy and he hit the teeth with his hand, only to realize that they were part of his testicles that were now eating his legs!

"AHHH" screamed Ponyboy as the lights went out and he heard a familiar voice call out:

"Ponyboy, baby! I'll save you, I'm your guardian angel!" But it couldn't be…

A/N: Whoever figures out wtf is going on gets a COOKIE! Oh yeah, and all my reviewers to date get cookies.


	13. Nuthin happened!

A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed! To everyone who read it and didn't review, WHY NOT? Heh, you all get cookies, but you were all wrong :P

Ponyboy felt himself being swooped up in someone's arms and being flown over buildings at the speed of light. It was a bird... It was a plane… It was… Someone with extremely stinky hairy arm pits? Was it Darry? No, it wasn't Darry! It was Paula Barer!

"Didn't I kill you?" asked Ponyboy, surprised that he could breathe through the air force that was going past them, but Paula kept a determinedly straight face and said nothing. "Can't you shave, Paula? It's really disgusting to have my head buried here." Once again, Paula said nothing, but switched positions with Ponyboy so that his head was stuck u…

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Ponyboy shouted, and he felt himself dropping… dropping… dropping… Falling… And with that, he fell off his bed. Why was he on his bed?

"Ponyboy, did you just have your nightly nightmare?" asked Soda, who had came to Ponyboy side, since Ponyboy has nightmares EVERY NIGHT!

"Yeah…" said Ponyboy.

"What was it about?" asked Soda.

"Well…" And Ponyboy went on and explained the dream, even though Ponyboy never remembers his dreams. He included Paula Barer coming to meet them, lying, and then the priest.

"Oh, Ponyboy! You didn't have a nightmare! That's just what happened yesterday, you must have remembered!"

"Nooooooo!" shouted Ponyboy in slow motion, his face changing with every 'o'.

"No? That wasn't what happened? What happened muffin baby cakes?" asked Darry, who had came in to the room without Ponyboy's noticing.

"You've all gone crazy!" shouted Ponyboy.

"What?"

"YOU'VE ALL FUCKING GONE FUCKING CRAZY!"

"That's it Ponyboy, you are no longer welcome in this house. Get THE FUCK OUT!" screamed Darry since it's been scientifically proven that Darry is willing to kick Ponyboy out whenever he feels its appropriate.

"FINE!" screamed Ponyboy, and he jumped out the window, fell 14 floors, and bounced back up level with the window he had just jumped out of. "FINE!" he screamed again as he looked in the window. He fell again, and repeated for about five minutes until he realized his legs should be broken, whereupon he fell on the ground screaming in agony. Screaming, screaming, screaming… And then everything went black.

A/N: Don't you hate it when something strange happens, then its like… HAHA! It was a DREAM! … or was it?


	14. gotta sread chap1

A/N: Thanks 50 trillion times over and over for curing my writers block, Rockstar-Crystal. I'm updating even though my stomach feels like it's about to explode because of you.

So, Ponyboy was walking into his house, right? Because it's totally cool to write fics as questions, isn't it? Yeah, it is. Anyways, he was walking to his house because his legs weren't broken after all because it totally didn't work into my fic, so I can delete whatever last chapters did so that future chapters will work, including deaths. Anyways, he was walking to his house and he opened the door, and out came Darry, engulfing Ponyboy in a huge hug!

"I'm so sorry little lamb!" said Darry, pulling Ponyboy into a hug even though he was already in a hug. Then, to Ponyboy's bewilderment, Darry began to sob because Darry always sobs uncontrollably even though he didn't cry when his parents died, because he'll cry when he breaks his fucking nail. He doesn't care if he looks like a little wimp, Darry does what he wants! "I thought we lost you like we lost mom and dad!" he said because he ALWAYS says that, NOT only in the book, and anyone who only says that line once in their life is ON DRUGS!

"Neck… Breaking…" gasped Ponyboy.

"Oh, sorry baby honey cake!" whispered Darry in a sexy voice, leading Ponyboy by the hand into the bedroom because they're totally into incest. When they got to his bedroom, he stopped and let go of Ponyboy's hand. "Right, so I was thinking we should add an addition because there's not enough room in this house for Paula and Norman and Suzanne," he said in a perfectly serious voice.

"Norman and Suzanne?" asked Ponyboy, not sure he wanted to hear who they were.

"Soda's twin sister and the brother older than you but younger than Soda. They turned up last night while you were sleeping," said Darry.

"WHAT?" asked Ponyboy, completely bewildered.

"Yeah, well there were a few good fics with them characters in 'em, so we thought we'd add 'em, 'cuz it's a mighty fine plot line if there's the odd good story with 'em!" said Darry, adapting a really weird Southern accent for some reason.

"… What?" asked Ponyboy.

"Huh? Oh, they were living with their parents," said Darry. "You see, they were dad's kids, but they had a different mom."

"Then how is one Soda's twin?" asked Ponyboy.

"SHUT UP! He is!" Darry shouted, then instantly felt remorseful, and pulled Ponyboy into a back breaking hug.

"But that's not possible. That's like saying Paula is my mother."

"Oh yeah, Ponyboy, by the way, our mom wasn't actually your mom. We found out last night."

"What is wrong with you, Darry? What's wrong with everyone?"

Soda, however, appeared out of the fireplace in Darry's room since it's strategically placed there to make for great lovin' scenes, at that exact moment. "Nothings wrong with us, Ponyboy. Why are you acting so weird these days? You feeling ok?" he asked, clearly not caring what the answer was, as he had already disappeared back out the fireplace by the time Ponyboy had managed to open his mouth to answer.

Just then, Dally walked into the room with black hair, and Two-Bit walked in with green eyes.

"WHAT THE HELLL?" screamed Ponyboy, then everything went black.


	15. Lolz riters blok!

A/N: Alright alright, I confess, I have a favorite part in this chapter. And thanks Rockstar-Crystal, your just too cool.

When Ponyboy woke up, he remembered he had a party to go to! At Buck Merrill's place, since he's always going to party's there and he knows it's totally allowed.

"Darry, I'm going to Bucks," said Ponyboy as he started to walk out the door because he doesn't care if it doesn't coincide with the previous chapter.

"Alright, just don't get knocked up," said Darry as if it was a daily occurrence.

"Alright," said Ponyboy and he slammed the door.

As Ponyboy was walking down the street, a huge number of strange things happened. Two things, in fact. Curly Shepard ran up to Ponyboy.

"Hey Ponyboy, are you going to the party?"

"Yeah, right now! Wanna give me a ride?" Ponyboy said since it's common knowledge that it's safe to go for a ride with Curly Shepard.

"NO!" said Curly Shepard, running away into the forest as fast as his fat curly legs could take him.

A few seconds after Curly disappeared, a car emerged from the path that Curly had just ran down, with two absolutely hot chicks in it, as well as Dally, and Curly. The girls then blew kisses at Ponyboy.

"Oh my god, that's Rockstar-Crystal and Flag in the back of that convertible! I want their autographs!" Ponyboy screamed and started running after the car, only to realize that it wasn't a convertible after all but a mustang that Dally had stolen earlier that day since he's constantly stealing cars. Since Ponyboy was already running, he decided to run all the way to Buck's place since he can run FOREVER without stopping.

When he got to Buck's place, he had a little surprise in store for everyone there.

A/N: Aren't short chapters annoying?


	16. CTimz Prty!

A/N: Yes, everything I'm even slightly making fun of in this entire fic I have seen before.

"Do not move!" said Ponyboy, and everyone continued partying since they hadn't even noticed Ponyboy enter the house. "I said, DO NOT MOVE!" screamed Ponyboy. A few people turned their head, but continued partying anyways.

Apparently, that angered Ponyboy. "DO NOT MOVE I HAVE A GUN!" he shouted, upon which everyone stopped and turned to stare at Ponyboy. "Heh heh heh…" said Ponyboy, pulling out none other than a pistol because he owns it because he's suicidal after the deaths of Johnny and Dallas even though they didn't die in this particular fic.

"Ponyboy…" said Tim Shepard because it's his party, not Bucks. It's totally cool to have someone going to a party, then have them going to a different party. "Put down the gun, Ponyboy."

"Haha, just kidding!" said Ponyboy as he shot the gun and a jet of water sprayed out of the end. He had brought… A water gun? Yes, Ponyboy had brought a water gun to a party.

"Whoa, way to make an entrance Ponyboy!" said Tim Shepard as everyone applauded and laughed at Ponyboy's stupid ridiculous joke that wasn't even funny. Ponyboy felt flattered that they thought he was funny, but thought to think that maybe there was something mocking about them when the laughter went on and on and on for 284minutes. After that, everyone went back to the party and started ignoring Ponyboy again, so Ponyboy went off to find some female company because Ponyboy's totally into girls. After a few minutes of running around looking for girls, he ran smack dab into Curly Shepard, and he fell to the floor hard enough that he thought he might have a concussion.

"Ponyboy?" asked Curly in a surprisingly girly voice. "Ponyboy, are you ok, darling?" He pulled Ponyboy's hand so that Ponyboy was in a sitting position, and he started rubbing Ponyboy's back because Curly's totally affectionate and gay.

"Stars…" said Ponyboy. "I see stars…"

"Yeah Ponyboy, someday I'll be a star… I've got big plans you know! I'm going to move to Hollywood, become a transves-"

"Not you, dummy. But I don't see them anymore." He turned his head and saw two hot authors named Flag and Rockstar-Crystal, because it's totally cool to write people of present day into fics in the past with no explanation. "Now I see stars!" he said, and started to rise, only to be pulled back down by Curly who pulled Ponyboy so hard he fell on his butt on the floor and broke a floorboard.

"Wanna come upstairs?" asked Curly, and Ponyboy nodded vigorously, clearly thinking that Curly had redecorated his bedroom and was going to show him.

They climbed the stairs, Curly leading and Ponyboy following, occasionally glancing back at the two authors as though to make sure they didn't see them going up the stairs together. When they got to the top of the stairs, Curly lead Ponyboy into a room decorated lavishly in pink. There were frills on every surface, and pictures of Matt Dillon all over the place, even though he wasn't famous yet. He was just so ungodly hot that his face had to exist during the 60's too because everyone would die without seeing it daily. ANYWAYS!

Ponyboy couldn't say anything about the room because at the exact second, Curly started tugging at Ponyboy's pants.

A/N: Hopefully that was a little better than the last chapter. And this isn't meant to mock the current Ponyboy/Curly fic, which is very cool.


	17. RAAAAAAPE

"Curly, what the fucking shit ass hell are you doing!" shouted Ponyboy, trying to get away from Curly. Well, he wasn't trying all that hard because he was just standing there, in front of Curly, letting Curly fiddle with his pants.

"Helping you, Ponyboy," said Curly, sounding confused. Surely Ponyboy wanted this…

"By taking off my pants? That's not helping Curly, that's raping."

"Taking off your pants? What are you talking about? Come here for a minute, Ponyboy," said Curly.

"NO!" said Ponyboy, trying to open the door now. Too bad he was pushing and not using the doorknob.

"What the hell, Ponyboy?" With that, Curly walked over to Ponyboy, grabbed his pants, and with a loud RIPPING sound, let go.

"CURLY!" shouted Ponyboy. "I LIKED THESE PANTS! NOW THEY'RE CONTAMINATED! FROM YOU!" He started to take off his 'contaminated' pants, stupidly not realizing that that would make Curly's job easier.

"Ponyboy, what are you doing!" asked Curly, covering his eyes.

"Getting off the dirty pants! You ruuuuined them!" cried Ponyboy, breaking out in tears.

"Ponyboy…" said Curly, holding out his hand. "Look."

Ponyboy didn't want to look, however. He thought he was going to see a private thing that no one else is supposed to see, since he doesn't even know what sex is AND NEEDS THE SEX TALK AT 14 BECAUSE NO ONE HAS HAD IT AT 13! Eventually, after what seemed like eternity but was actually 5 seconds, he looked with his pants around his knee's. He felt his heart start to sink.

"Oh." In Curly's hand was a 'Remove before wearing' tag. You know, the tag's that your supposed to remove before wearing because they'll set off alarm systems. Ponyboy totally had the tag because THEY'RE RICH AND CAN TOTALLY AFFORD NEW CLOTHES!

"Get awaaaay from me Currrly," sobbed Ponyboy. "I want Daaarry." Because you know, Ponyboy and Darry get along really good all the time.

"Er, Ponyboy, I was just trying to make it so that no one would laugh at-"

"I WANT DARRY!" shouted Ponyboy, standing up. He started to grab things and throw them.

"I WANT DARRY!" he shouted as he seized a lamp and threw it across the room. "DARRY!" he grabbed the telephone and threw it, where it smashed the mirror. "DARRY! DARRY! DARRY!" He chanted as he threw random objects across the room and climbed the walls. When he was hanging upside down from the ceiling, he shouted "DARRY!" once more before passing out cold.

Since no one seems to know what 'passing out cold' means, Ponyboy stood up and ran for a Matt Dillon poster, where Matt was posing with a really hot blonde with fat cheeks and for some reason was hanging upside down in the poster, clearly going to rip it! Suddenly, when he got within reach, a mysterious force made him fly backwards away from it! Getting up, he started to run at the poster again! He was going to rip it, he was DETERMINED he was going to rip it. It was taunting him… However, when he got within reach again, a force shot him backwards again! Wait a second! Shot? Shot! Ponyboy was shot! Reaching down, he touched his chest and raised his hand to his face. It was covered in blood.

Looking up from his place on the ground, Ponyboy saw Buck Merrill standing in the doorway, looking impressively tall. Buck had a strange bulge in his pocket and it wasn't his dick.

"No one touches Matt Dillon… No one but me," he said before taking Curly by the hand and closing the door behind him.


	18. PREGGNeT?

A/N: Glomph, I got TWTTIN today. It sucked, but it's worth a read. And I got more reviews for the past few chapters, which made me really really happy!  
Disclaimer: Don't own The Outsiders.

Beep, beep beep…

"Whats that?" asked Ponyboy, opening his eyes.

"Shh baby it's the hospital machine but I don't know what it's called because I don't bother to do my research," said Darry.

"Oh," said Ponyboy. There was a pause. "Why am I in the hospital?"

"You don't remember?" asked Soda who had appeared out of no where.

"No…" said Ponyboy.

"Someone shot you!" cried Darry in alarm.

"I don't remember!" cried Ponyboy since he looses his memory as often as he breathes.

"You don't remember?" cried Soda.

"I don't remember!" cried Ponyboy

"How can this be…" said Darry in a broadway musical voice. He then broke into a tap dance. Ponyboy almost cried. Soda laughed. Someone who looked like Soda walked into the room.

"Who's that?" said Ponyboy.

"Pillowcase Curtis," said Soda. "He's my twin." Because, you know, Soda definitely has a twin that somehow no one knows about. Soda laughed. Ponyboy almost cried. Darry continued to tap dance.

"Oh. Where'd I get shot?" said Ponyboy.

"In the heart," said Soda.

"What? I got shot in the heart?" said Soda.

"Yes, Ponyboy, the heart."

"How am I still alive?"

"Oh, Tim Shepard came along and did emergency CPR."

"Tim Shepard knows CPR?"

"Yes, didn't you know? He's a nurse."

"Tim Shepard is a NURSE!"

"Yes… He's also a child of the farm."

"Don't you mean the church?" asked Ponyboy because it's finally time to tell you who's talking.

"No, Ponyboy. I mean the farm," said Soda.

"That doesn't make sense."

"Yes it does."

"No it doesn't." said Darry, as Darry continued to tap dance, singing "How could this happen to me... I've made my mistakes…" not realizing that you can't tap dance with class to that song.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING DARRY!" screamed Ponyboy, freaking out. He'd HAD IT!

"Tap.. Dancing..! And a one, and a two and a three and a four…" He then seized Ponyboy by the arms and started swinging him madly around the room in something resembling a waltz. It was amazing, Ponyboy had recovered from being shot in the heart in about 20 minutes.

"Wait," said Pillowcase.

"WHY!" shouted Darry, still swinging madly around the room with Ponyboy.

"Did you forget about the other part of him being shot in the heart?"

"What other part?" Ponyboy asked, desperately trying to get away from Darry.

"Uh, that bullet… Made you pregnant," said Pillowcase, engulfing Ponyboy in a hug that seemed to last forever, but was actually about 10 seconds because Ponyboy quickly ran away screaming out of the room.

"What's eating him?" asked Pillowcase, with a confused expression on his face.


	19. Pokey little angel

A/N: Fixed the last chapter, sorry about that guys. This site deleted my last little bit of the chapter… And sorry about the long time between updates, I've been working and lazy. This fic is chugging to a close quicker than a closing freight train. For real. 2, maybe 3 chapters left.

"PREGNANT!" shouted Ponyboy, suddenly back in the hospital room. "I'm not ready for a baby!" He was talking as if it was perfectly normal for men to have children, since you know; it's totally possible and happens all the time.

"We'll support you," said Paula Barer as she came bounding into the room like a deer. "Or, I could have the baby for you."

"What! HAVEN'T YOU DIED YET!" asked Ponyboy, very clearly upset by the arrival of Paula Barer.

"No Ponyboy, I haven't died yet. According to my biological clock, I still have 17 hours, 17 minutes and 17 seconds left to live," she said with a smile, which made no sense since that isn't what your biological clock does, and she probably shouldn't be smiling at the fact that she has less than a day left to live. "And I'll have your child for you. There's a procedure that can transport babies from one person to another."

"THERE'S A WHAT!" Ponyboy shouted as Darry seized his arms and started waltzing again, but this time to Killswitch Engage's Fixation on the Darkness, despite the fact that that song wasn't released for more than 30 years after the book was released.

"PROCEDURE" said Paula, speaking loudly over Darry's loud punk singing, ignoring the lyrics.

"Change, the only way we will survive… Light transfiguration of the soul…" His singing sounded something like a howling dog and positively brutalized the song.

Just then, Soda bounded into the room and screamed in a girly high-pitched tone.

"WE GET TO TAKE PONY HOME TODAY!" With that, he engulfed Ponyboy in a hug, and ended up getting his head smashed by Ponyboys head who was still dancing with Darry and Darry was dancing like a crazy man and didn't realize what Soda had said yet and we know that once he does and we and like run on and sentences a lot even though half of them have nothing to do with the paragraph or what's going on in the story or anything and are hard to follow and everything else like that.

"But I just got shot in the heart earlier!" said Ponyboy.

"SO? The doctor thinks we can take care of you. Tim Shepard is coming over, he's going to help us look after you."

"Why... Do I have to go home?" asked Ponyboy, thinking he'd rather stay at the hospital than live with these maniacs.

"YES!" shouted Darry, finally finishing dancing. "GET in the back of the track now. NOW PONYBOY!" He was suddenly enraged. "When we get home IT'S A SPANKING FOR YOU!" Because Darry TOTALLY spanks Ponyboy for no reason.

"WHAT!" shouted Ponyboy.

"Yes, Ponyboy, a spanking. I don't care if the state would take you away if they knew, it's a spanking for you."

"I didn't do anything!" said Ponyboy.

"You insulted Paula!"

"No I didn't!"

"YES YOU DID!"

"FINE! PAULAS A GROSS UGLY FAT WARTY SMELLY HAIRY FATTY FAT!" If Ponyboy was getting a spanking, he was going to get it for a reason. Little did Ponyboy know what pain that comment was likely to bring.


	20. Dahlia

A/N: NEXT CHAPTER IS THE LAST CHAPTER SO REVIEW BECAUSE YOU WON'T GET MORE CHANCES!

"PONYBOY!" Ponyboy turned around, wondering when Darry's voice had gotten so high. Instead of seeing Darry, who appeared to have disappeared for this chapter, he saw someone who was fat, short and resembled Hatchet Face from Cry Baby, who is a very ugly person.

"Who are you?" Ponyboy asked.

"I'm Rainbows Everywhere Curtis, your sister! And I'm going to bare ass whomp you when we get home, because Paula's family adopted me because I was kidnapped as a little kid and no one bothered to FIND ME!" She distorted her face and spat on Ponyboy since he would totally let her.

"Your not being very ladylike, Rainbows Everywhere. I want you to apologize to my brother," said Soda who was standing behind Ponyboy. He then jumped out and raised his fists as though ready to fight.

"You wanna fight punk emo scene kid!" asked Rainbows Everywhere Curtis.

"YEAH!" shouted Soda, and immediately jumped at Rainbows Everywhere. Rainbows Everywhere held out her arm, and Soda grabbed on. They then broke out into song.

"SUNSHINE, LOLLIPOPS! RAINBOWS EVERYWHERE, THAT'S WHAT I'VE GOT TO SAY, HEY HEY! SMILE, IN THE SUN AND! LETS REUSE NAMES BECAUSE ITS FUN, HEY HEY! I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME USING YOUR IDEA'S, I'LL DO IT ANYWAY!" They had procured umbrellas out of thin air and had danced with them as they sung. Ponyboy burst into tears.

" Why… is everyone… always singing!" sobbed Ponyboy.

"What? No one's singing, Ponyboy," said Soda, randomly rubbing Ponyboy on the back.

"You guys just did! And Darry did!"

"No one's singing, Ponyboy," Soda said again. "No one's sung in a long time around here. It's a very solemn time, what with the death of Paula Barer…"

"PAULA WAS HERE LIKE 2 MINUTES AGO DUDE!" said Ponyboy, not realizing he's using '90's slang.

"She's dead. You killed her. You threw her out the window."

"THAT WAS A DREAM!"

"No Ponyboy, that wasn't a dream."

"Whhaaaaaaat?" asked Ponyboy.

"PONYBOY!" someone shouted from far away. "HEY PONYBOY!" Ponyboy couldn't figure out where the voice was coming from, but everything seemed to be flickering…


	21. The End

A/N: This is the end, my beautiful friend…

"Ponyboy?" asked someone who was looking at Ponyboy. For a second, Ponyboy wasn't sure who it was for no apparent reason. "Ponyboy?"

"Darry?" asked Ponyboy, feeling surprisingly groggy, for seconds before he had been dancing around.

"You passed out…" said Darry "Are you okay muffin? You seemed to think Paula was dead and that you killed her…"

"That's what you told me," said Ponyboy starting to feel anger rising inside of him. He was tired of all this confusion… He didn't know what was going on! All he wanted was his pickle, was it that hard for everyone to understand? "I WANT MY PICKLE!" Ponyboy yelled.

"WALK YOUR ASS HOME!" shouted Darry in a fit of random anger that he has all the time that makes no sense. "YOUR GOING TO A BOYS HOME FOR YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARDS YOUR PICKLE!"

"FINE! I'LL WALK HOME!" shouted Ponyboy, eager to get away from Darry and everyone who was in the room with him. After he said it, Darry and everyone left the room. Ponyboy was kind of sad to see Soda go, because he loves his face that manages to be reckless and sensitive at the same time, even though seconds before he had wanted everyone away from him. It took him a minute to realize it, but he was in love with Soda! He couldn't go to a boys home, he wouldn't let Darry send him!

"Geez," said Ponyboy getting up. "What the heck is going on…" He started to walk to the hospital door when he looked back into the room. "This week's been a disaster.." With that, he left the hospital and started the long walk home.

Home? Why would he want to go home? There was nothing there for him anymore since everyone had went mad. Maybe he would run away! Yes, in .5 of a second Ponyboy decided to run away from home with no preparation or thought. Like a bolt of lightening, Ponyboy took off across town. Little did he realize he was running towards the Soc's part of town! Zing! He was passing the Dingo. Zing! He was passing the Movie Theatre. ZING! He was passing his house, and it didn't look like anyone had even arrived there yet! ZING! He crossed he line that was clearly in the ground and stepped onto Soc territory.

"Hey grease!" called a Soc. Ponyboy kept running since because he's on the track team means he can run forever without getting tired.

Finally, he was tired and stopped running. He sat on the sidewalk and started to smoke, since it's really cool to do that when in Soc territory.

"Hey Ponyboy!" said a Soc, coming up to Ponyboy. "I'm sorry about what happened… I hear you got shot in the he-"

The Soc, however, couldn't even get the words out before Ponyboy was off again like a rocket. How dare that Soc talk about what had just happened!

Sitting down five feet from where he had been sitting before, Ponyboy sat down even though I already said he did.

"Ponyboy?" asked the Soc, giving Ponyboy a funny look. "Listen, I know I'm a Soc and you're a Greaser, but I just-"

THAT WAS IT! Ponyboy started running again, and this time he kept running. Running, running, running some more, isn't this oh so dramatic not knowing where he'd running to? Running, running, running… Running some more, and more running, running, running, running, are you bothering to read all this? I don't see how people expect you to read the same word over and over, running, running, running… Running running running.

Finally, Ponyboy was at his destination. He missed his family too much, even though he was pretty sure they weren't even home yet and he had only been away from them for about 10 minutes. The injustice of the world was really starting to wear him out. The world was so unfair to our dear little Ponyboy… The more he thought about it, the less he remembered about the previous week. Soon, all he remembered was the Soc trying to talk to him! As he was about to do what he was about to do, he could have sworn he heard someone singing a song about rainbows and sunshine somewhere in the distance… That just made him more angry. HOW DARE THEY SING ON SUCH A HORRIBLE DAY!

Ponyboy walked into the house screaming. He was **mad**. He quickly stopped when he realized there was no one there to hear him moan and complain as he always does. He sat on the couch for about a minute before Darry drove in since Darry always appears when he is needed. Ponyboy started screaming again since he is such an attention whore…

**FINI**


End file.
